Last night was a bit of a test. As per very usual (possibly a future habit to be changed?!?), I fell asleep on the couch watching tv. Yes, its annoying. Yes, its something I HATE doing, but you know when you are in that state of bliss, just before you fall asleep.... how the hell are you supposed to rise up and go to bed then?? It seems such a rare occurrence when you get to truly enjoy and *live* those few moments before slumber - I didn't want to waste that special moment!
Ha! Have I got a bridge to sell you!
Ok.. so really there is no part of it I like. But of course, when I awoke 20 minutes later, after I muttered 'shit', I remembered... I hadn't written in my gratitude journal yet. Hadn't even thought about what I'm so grateful for all day. And yesterday was kind of a heavy day in a lot of respects. Kids' school stuff - provincial-wide tests that I don't agree with, my daughter spending part of her morning in the cubby area because she was 'scared' of the substitute teacher (she wasn't REALLY scared of her - just unsure of her), and worst of all.... reason for Tessa's sub is her kindergarten teacher has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. And the preliminary feeling is that this diagnosis is a scary one - she's feeling quite ill, which is never a great sign. I feel sick about what she is going through, and all that keeps running through my head is the last time I saw her on Monday she looked very unlike herself.
Despite all the heaviness, I still managed to pull off five things I'm grateful for. Given the day, my state of sleepiness, and considering I didn't want to spend too much time awake between snoozes... I did do it. A sign of commitment. A sign of a habit forming. As in 'no, I cannot NOT do this today.' So I did. And it made me feel good last night when I went to sleep for the last time, and this morning when I woke up. Follow through has never been a totally strong characteristic of mine... but maybe the tide is changing.
Maybe this change of habit is turning me grateful afterall. :o)
xo
My friend, do not sell yourself short - you are grateful and show it, speak it, and live it in many ways. You are just acknowledging to yourself what others already know about you (ok, maybe there are things you are grateful for that friends don't know). What a day...I am sorry for your heaviness...but it is understandable and scary. Pat yourself on the back for writing in your journal in your heavy,sleep state. Follow through is your nature.
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