Month one - fait accompli

Today is day 31 of the first month of the year - the first month of this project, and ... so far so good! One habit seems to be firmly established for me. I knew I had to pick a habit that I could track, one I could easily measure the success of... and as I look back on my gratitude journal that I created for myself in December 2002... I can now say I have many MANY more entries in it! This, for me, is a measure of success, and I really actually think its helped me enjoy this dark month of January. For the past several years, January has been my least favorite month, a difficult one to get through without some significant blues.

January 2010 has been different. Because I'm recording my blessings every night right before I go to bed, I feel like they've become more a part of my subconscious, as well as my conscious.

So many many things I was grateful for this past month - most of which involve my family. Some of which involve me and my creative flow, which feels like its growing. Some were petty silly things, like 'good hair' or 'rock star parking', but at the time they meant something, and I think its also those things that contribute to my overall positive feeling. Hey, whatever works, right?

Overall, I am so thankful for my family, my friends, my home, our businesses and our customers, and what I'm really sensing is a transformative type of year.

I'm already thinking of my next habit, and I think by the time March 1st hits, I'll be ready and raring to add another habit to my life, and the ideas I have get me excited.

Tres tres bien. :o)

simply grateful

I can't BELIEVE it again! A whole week!

However, I have been keeping up my gratitude list daily, and today I have lots to be grateful for:

* to have such a WONDERFUL lovely best friend who is such a bright light (no matter where she is) in my life

* Jonah did his oratoire (public speaking) at school today and feels as though he did well (phew!) ~ one day at a time ...

* I'm grateful for inching that much closer to finishing off our year end for the accountant (ooooooh I can't WAIT!)

* the yummy french soup I made for dinner - so fresh-tasting and satisfying

* I just HAD to order Mastering the Art of French Cooking today (!!) because we simply NEEDED to order another book on Chapters online to make our shipping free (wheeeeee!)

* I'm grateful for the beans I'm about to warm up in the microwave to warm me up in bed when I climb in

* I'm grateful for this blog. I'm endeavoring to keep it up more regularly, but I do love it. Its real stream of consciousness for me most times, and that is theraputic and fun and I never know how its going to read until I hit 'Publish Post' - and that for me, in some weird way, is kinda exciting.

Wowzers... a busy-ish week

...**I've become one of those people in the blogosphere that frustrate me... Imagine a blog you regularly peruse, only to check every day and see that it is stagnant. Nothing new. No new posts. Nada. Zippo. El disappointo.. Oy vay! Apologies to my very important numero uno audience member. xo**...

Holy man, I can't believe its been almost a week since I posted!! I think I had so many posts ruminating that I didn't think it was THAT long! oops!

It has been a week of learning, interesting and frustrating discoveries, and general busy-ness. Work for Guy is really amping up right now, which is fantastic, especially for January. THAT, I am so grateful for, and it really comes at an interesting time as I reflect on my daily habit of gratitude.... I'm not SO full of myself to think that the big 'ole universe is responding to my gratitude list every day... but it DOES help, I'm sure!

Speaking of the habit, it is still very much alive and well. My little book sits beside my bed and every night I check off at least five things I'm feeling especially grateful about. Today is no different. I'm uber grateful that Tessa had a good day at school (I need to be grateful for that, because I'm learning alot about my daughter right now that I didn't realize). I'm also grateful that she is going through these challenges right now, as I'm realizing how my habits and tendancies have an effect on her - I'm learning more about myself as my kids grow older - some of it good, some not-so-good.

I'm grateful the weather has been more temperate - enough to be able to hang outside after school. I think I was really starting to miss my fellow parents afterschool, but the daily social interaction is now coming back as the weather behaves more. Makes me feel more connected to my kids, the school, and our community of families here, which I LOVE.

I'm grateful to be going out for dinner with my good friend Mary, who I haven't seen in many many months, but we have a hiliarious habit of intense email communication during our Monday evening 'Bachelor' festivities! Tonight we will catch up over a lovely meal from down the street, and find out what's been happening in each other's lives these past few months. So looking forward to it!

I'm grateful to feel this creative churning that's going on inside myself - its been kinda dormant of late, so this light I'm sensing is very timely.

This January continues to surprise me as I feel better this month than I have for a long time. More grounded, more content, and more excited.

Totally cool.....

Against my odds...

Last night was a bit of a test. As per very usual (possibly a future habit to be changed?!?), I fell asleep on the couch watching tv. Yes, its annoying. Yes, its something I HATE doing, but you know when you are in that state of bliss, just before you fall asleep.... how the hell are you supposed to rise up and go to bed then?? It seems such a rare occurrence when you get to truly enjoy and *live* those few moments before slumber - I didn't want to waste that special moment!

Ha! Have I got a bridge to sell you!

Ok.. so really there is no part of it I like. But of course, when I awoke 20 minutes later, after I muttered 'shit', I remembered... I hadn't written in my gratitude journal yet. Hadn't even thought about what I'm so grateful for all day. And yesterday was kind of a heavy day in a lot of respects. Kids' school stuff - provincial-wide tests that I don't agree with, my daughter spending part of her morning in the cubby area because she was 'scared' of the substitute teacher (she wasn't REALLY scared of her - just unsure of her), and worst of all.... reason for Tessa's sub is her kindergarten teacher has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. And the preliminary feeling is that this diagnosis is a scary one - she's feeling quite ill, which is never a great sign. I feel sick about what she is going through, and all that keeps running through my head is the last time I saw her on Monday she looked very unlike herself.

Despite all the heaviness, I still managed to pull off five things I'm grateful for. Given the day, my state of sleepiness, and considering I didn't want to spend too much time awake between snoozes... I did do it. A sign of commitment. A sign of a habit forming. As in 'no, I cannot NOT do this today.' So I did. And it made me feel good last night when I went to sleep for the last time, and this morning when I woke up. Follow through has never been a totally strong characteristic of mine... but maybe the tide is changing.

Maybe this change of habit is turning me grateful afterall. :o)

xo

Jamie man... what a guy

Wow, just watched Jamie Oliver in a new show he's got called 'Ministry of Food'. Boy, do I appreciate the fact that I know how to cook! He's trying to inspire an entire town in Northern England to learn to cook. A large percentage of their population does not cook, some people have actually never cooked a meal for their family!! WTF????

Its incredibly hard to believe...and sad.

Reaffirms what an inspiration that guy is - and he's hugely entertaining to boot! What a potty mouth - lol - fuck this, bloody fuckin hell that! No shit! Ha!

Had a really good weekend. Relaxing, puttering, visits with Guy's parents, and my Mom is here for a few nights while her floors are getting done, and so far its been great.

Also did (in a matter of just a few minutes) a GREAT project for this year's Christmas cards. Normally those cards are gathered and put away in some stash spot, virtually never to be seen again. This year I decided, after I saw a post on this blog that I check out occasionally, to crop them all and create a scrapbook page of our 2009 cards. And I LOVE IT! The picture here doesn't do it justice, but it was so fun to do, and I can't wait till I put the page in my Christmas scrapbook. I'm a bit behind on the holiday scrapbooks, but I'll get there!

Friday afternoon musings...

I'm grateful today is Friday, and that we have a pretty relaxed weekend ahead. Guy will be working most of it to get rid of one of his big work projects, but for the most part, we're staying put (aha just like you Anne! ;o)

Its a very soggy day out there, and the warmth of the house feels so so nice. Its also feeling very clean and big, which this house doesn't always feel. Kinda like a blank canvas, so its a bit inspiring - I think some creative stuff will happen here this weekend. :>) I've got a date with George tonight, so I'm UBER grateful for that!! I just have to share him with about 5 other friends <> as we go see his movie, which I've been dying to see. I think I'll take lots of dark chocolate (too bad I can't sneak some red wine into the theatre too - then my night would be totally complete!)

Kitchen counters are clear (whoaaaaaa, especially for a Friday!), and homemade pizza on the docket for dinner. Its 4:30 and I'm ahead of the game. Totally grateful for THAT!

and here I sit...

Its over. Everyone's gone home. Fat ladies are singing. Another holiday season has passed and I'm completely aware that I am in the thick of January. The past few years I haven't had a good track record with Januarys. This one feels different. Not sure why exactly, but something's different. I should be just as peopled-out as every other January. I should be panicking about the fact that I have a year's worth of transactions to enter by February 15th so our accountant who I'm not crazy about can get our year end stuff done. But I'm not panicking.

Weird huh?

Weirdly calm. But there's something peaceful about this January. Maybe I'm in blissful denial of all the things coming up, or maybe I just know and trust they will all get done.

All in all, its been a pretty great holiday season. Our dinner last night capped it all off - I'm proud to say. :o)

And now I'm inspired by my cousin Lucille who has read seven books since Christmas - SEVEN. And my Auntie Mary says this is 'normal'. Normal for who??? I'd love it if it was normal for me, so I'm going to close my laptop so I can get back to Julia Child in France (so so SO good!).

Kolach Queen rises again...

Its that time of year, and tomorrow is my very FAVORITE meal ever! Its Ukrainian Christmas Eve - a grand tradition celebrated in my childhood at Baba's house - 35 people sitting in her basement (how the hell did she do it, I'll never really know! with ONE stove, ONE fridge, and a tiny 75 sq.ft. kitchen). I looked forward to that meal all year as a kid, and four years ago I resurrected that tradition in my own home. Much less people (usually 11), but a dozen dishes, no meat, no dairy (ok, so we cheat a wee bit now, thanks to Auntie Mary), Baba Chick's 75 year old china, white linens, beets (yup, you can just see it, can't you?) and a stack of yummy kolachi as the centrepiece.

Tonight I'm grateful for the amazing smell of my kolachi in the oven - the sweetest, yummiest, most fought over bread in my family history. I'm grateful for the tradition that my Baba kept up for so so many years. I'm grateful for a serendipitous conversation with Joanna more than 4 years ago that inspired me to undertake four days of cooking every January (perogies made last Thursday, cabbage rolls yesterday, kolachi today and the rest tomorrow). I'm grateful for the chance to have made all these yummy dishes with my Baba over the past few years, by my side, instructing me (and making me slightly giggily paranoid about Auntie Mary's thoughts on my cabbage rolls' lack of uniformity, on the imperfection of my kolachi, and perhaps even the doughiness of my perogies. ). I'm grateful for the sense of history and tradition I feel and am passing on to my kids (even though right now they pretty much associate Ukrainian Christmas Eve as the night we eat dinner at one huge table in the living room).

So tomorrow I will rearrange the furniture in my house, iron my Baba Chick's handmade Ukrainian linens, pull out all the old china, extra utensils, receive family and friends, fret over the heat and tastiness of dinner, wonder how I will get the red wine stains and beet stains out of my Mom's white tablecloth once again, and I will LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I can't wait!

Enjoying the ride...

Today it hit me, like it does almost every family visit... only this time I looked at it differently. My family comes to visit at least three times a year - for all the kids birthdays. During that time I spend much of it cocooned with them, cooking, tidying, playing games, drinking wine, and towards the end, awaiting my life to start up again. Its like a period of time that is put on hold. I talk to generally not one of my friends, send very few emails, spend very little time by myself, do not take baths (whats up with THAT anyways - I know - WEIRD!), my laundry piles up, and so do alot of other things.

I've never looked at this time any differently than that - life on hold. Until today. Today it hit me that these are golden days - holiday days - and I should treat them that way. They are days off (well, aside from all the cooking, tidying, chauffering, etc.), and I should be grateful that I have a dozen or so days of the year where I'm not expected to work, to live the mundane aspects of my life, go to meetings, obsess over our budget, clean the house, do yardwork.

I have two more days until my ride is over for this visit. Then its back to (almost) real life again. Instead of anxiously awaiting that kickstart to the chaos, I've decided to relish the slower pace, the quiet tempo of my day, and I'm decidedly very grateful for that opportunity.

Changing other things

This will be challenging. I have found several moments throughout today where I was grateful, but one thing I will have to change is the way my days end. As per fairly usual, I'm sleepy, on the couch, but remembered that I made a commitment to myself to write here as much as I can. And to write in my gratitude journal. So I will head off to bed, but first I will remember to write five things I'm grateful for.

Was a great day for the most part, so it shouldn't be hard.

New year, new habits, day one

The start of another new year - fresh page. Havent' figured out how I'm going to tackle my challenge yet, but here it is. 6 new habits. One habit, every two months - thanks to this posting on Zen Habits. I'm terrible at finishing things (NOT a habit I'm even going to attempt changing! whew - how daunting THAT would be!).

But I have made a start. I have selected my first habit, and its one I should be doing already, but I will endeavor to be more mindful about it. Gratitude. I've got a lot to be grateful for, and I am going to pay more attention to what I have. At Zen Habits, he says you need to start small with changing a habit, so I've already started by creating this blog. For my one audience member :o) I've gone a step ahead and actually moved a gratitude journal that I have to the top of my book pile on my nightstand. Its also sitting right next to my alarm clock so I see it before I go to bed.

Now, if the sleep fairy hits me before I go to bed and I don't write in it, I'm gonna list the things I'm grateful for right now:

...Tessa turns 6 tomorrow, and I can hardly believe it. I'm grateful for all my kids, who really are the loveliest little people in the world.

...Guy, who is, as I type, wrapping Tessa's gifts in preparation for our sweet little birthday morning tradition of gathering on our bed to open gifts when we all first wake up.

...the final hot whisps of the fire that's been crackling in our fireplace all night.

...the silence of the house (I could be grateful for this one ALOT) - 5 people are sleeping - the kids, and my Dad and Sheila who just arrived today.

...my laptop, so I can write this blog.

I WILL post every day if I can, and I may not say everything I'm grateful for every day, cause some I may wanna keep to myself. My mind is already trying to trick me into thinking that sticking to only one new habit at a time is not enough, so I'll probably just try to do other things, without the typed commitment thing happening.

All for now. Big day tomorrow. Big girl is 6. wow. xoxo